omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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