remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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