no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
