Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
