Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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