I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Let's get the cat blown out
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
