benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
