I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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