So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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