Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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