Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
