just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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