I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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