ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
