There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
