I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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