so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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