your thong is hanging out like whoa
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
