i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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