if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
