Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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