Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Holy shit dude........stairs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize