it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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