i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
