but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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