someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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