Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Two words: nipple clamps
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