we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
