Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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