No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
