So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
