they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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