taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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