Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
