I just pynch a tree in the face
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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