Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
