you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
