just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
