Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
