please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
