I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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