That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
