took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
