I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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