Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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