Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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