so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
