i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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