She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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