On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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