Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
