my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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