you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
