The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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