Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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