The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
