either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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