He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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