He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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