Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My feet surprised me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
