I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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