Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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