oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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