Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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