She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
