Say something about gay babies.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
