Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
