He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
