so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
