I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
