Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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