Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i need some magic done to my vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
