so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im having a threesome with these popsicles
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
