Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
