He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
